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Now that I think about it, Cate has been exuberant lately. She's been motivated, she's working harder than ever, and she's been volunteering to do just about every dirty job that anyone has, while still maintaining her grades and her own focus."How could I have been so confused? You're right. I'm not sure there is anyone else in the world that could give either of these two kids what the other one does, and they're both conscious enough of how special it is that they wouldn't dare do anything to spoil it. Besides, being exposed for fooling around with his sister is hardly the worst that could happen to them. Alex could be blindsided by another crazy creep at any time, all he needs is for the public to learn what he's involved in and everyone's life would fall apart. Yet they both push on, not because they're carried away by teen age hormones, but because they have to. Because it's the only direction they can move in." Frank spoke with a virtual reverence as he watched Cate and Alex,. With see in the dark action."I continued to sit there though, doing nothing except staring at myself and wondering, "Why me?"And as the hours passed, I grew increasingly depressed, sinking more and more into self-pity and shame. I felt humiliation and disgust for what I had become. I was a freak...a monster. I wasn't even human anymore. I was a thing of plastic and metal... a robot. A fembot. A fucking blow up doll. Thoughts that I would have been better off having died like I was supposed to have kept crossing my mind.Eventually, something snapped inside of me and I started feeling disgusted at myself for an entirely different reason. I'd never believed in suicide before and didn't like the fact that I had been considering the idea now. Nor had I ever been the kind of guy who was into self-pity, so I didn't think that I should start up with it now.Then I looked down at my hands yet again, realizing just how lucky I was to be alive at all. It was a miracle that I was still around, so.
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